May 31, 2005
I love 4-day weeks......

Buenos dias all....Hope you had a steller weekend!

Nice to roll into work on a Tuesday knowing that there are only 3 more trips to work for the week before it is over again! Even better knowing that I am hopping on a plane Saturday morning for Mainland Mex. for a week. Even better is there are 2 swells lining up to greet me!

As for this weekend, conditions allowed some surf to be had yesterday. Small, little, challenging waves on tap at most spots. Days like yesterday show why I suck at surfing. For the life of me, I can't surf small waves. Something about trying to be small or condensed or flexible enough to react and generate speed on the what little energy is available.

Sooooooooooo, I need to give an update on the ASP event in Fiji. You see, I am a junkie for this crap. I still can't figure out why I can't watch these events live on TV. Give me a live ASP event over the Spurs/Suns game. At least is Slater is surfing a heat or CJ or Bruce. So I found myself sitting in front of my computer screen at home yesterday watching Round 4 of the Globe WCT Fiji:
- Heat 4, Bruce vs. Andy. Bruce kicked his ass! Andy was pissed. Bruce dropped a 10 and 9.67 to ice his ass. Bruce is sick.
- Heat 5, Slater vs. Mick Lowe. Lowey got the first wave, Slater took off on the one behind it. Kelly got a 9.77, Lowey a 4.67. Game over. Slater's next wave, a "17 second barrel" at Restaurants. That is right, 17 seconds. I think I have about 3.29 seconds of total accumulated "barrel time" and never do I come out.
- Heat 7, Fred Patacchia vs. Parko. Freddy took it to him. I like Freddy's game. Guy has surfed well this year.
- Heat 1 of the Quarters: CJ vs. Phil McDonald. Another disgusting display of surfing. CJ took off on a wave, air dropped, staled, got some speed, did a huge floater, landed it, got barrelled, avoided dry reef while in the barrel, came out, claimed it, got barrelled again, and again, kicked out - perfect 10!

If you have some time today, check out the highlights at I can honestly say that some of the best competition surfing I have ever seen (over the internet) has been the last two contests. Slater and The Hobgoods seem to be the standout guys right now.

That is it for the Pro-Ho report.....

Posted by Kaiser at 09:51 AM
May 27, 2005
Heeelllllllooooooooooo Class! Your favorite substitute teacher is back....

Yo, what up y'all......I called E this a.m. and just caught him before he left the airport. I didn't have the right 411 on doing the posts but MWSF hooked it up moments ago. So, we are all dialed in for some Kaiser-Kind posts and what not. We all know I don't lay down the imagary like E, at least not in words......

So, let's see what we can drum up each day for your work-wasting pleasure.

Small and worthless out there right now with not much hope in site. Looks like it will be pretty weak and small through the weekend.

The Globe Fiji event started yesterday at Tavarua. A HUGE swell is on tap for the rest of the weekend so check that out at or via The webcast was pretty slow yesterday. Given that this is the first time Globe has broadcast an event like this, expect some hiccups.

Expect to see lots of this...

Posted by Kaiser at 11:04 AM
May 26, 2005

went out with the novia this morn.
Chilly, grey onshore dawn.
Inner-bar divots and grumpy nothings.
vertically challenged.
CJ did awesome and snagged a few waves without me yelling, "GO GO GO GO!!"
She's juuuuust entering into that long path of discovery.
All the subtleties of the art are dawning on her.
Reading and interpreting waves as they approach.
Predicting the manner in which waves will break.
Understanding the tugs and pulls of OB currents.
Taking beatings in stride.
Standing up at the right time.
Going with the ocean instead of against it.
Getting out past the breakers.
Scanning the horizon for telltale signs.
Putting yourself in the right position before the waves come.
Listening to your intuition when choosing where to wait.
Putting yourself in harms way.
Experimenting on which waves are best by trying to go on as many waves as possible.
Laughing (hopefully).
having fun.

she got thonked on the forehead by her board this morning. D'oh! While sitting a bit too far inside this ugly, inner-bar chest-high suckout beast thumped right down on her in about 3 feet of water. I was like, "ooooo".. but.. she popped up like no biggie and came back out for more!! i was proud.

Sooo.. i'm gone until June 13. Maybe Kaiser will take over the daily updates? haven't talked to him about it yet. Kaiser?

Lerm, mwsf and i are headed down to Baja Sur for two weeks of camping and wave-riding. My friend is also getting married in Cabo on saturday so it should be a rager. psyched!

good waves and good times to everybody out there.

thanks for reading and participating!

a few photos from

Slappy Garcia about to put the slap down


Neal Miyake photo

south africa (photos from

Posted by Ethan at 09:36 AM
May 25, 2005
Alaskan dreams

Joe finished his North County session and walked back to the car. He'd scored a few nice tubes and felt good. Tomorrow he and Pete were off to Alaska. Pete worked as a pilot up there the summer before, flying wealthy fisherman to remote bays and lakes in his little water-plane. He'd noticed a few enticing surf setups and vowed to return. Over the last few weeks the two poured over detailed maps of the region and plotted the most likely waves. With the sea-plane they could access totally remote bays and inlets. They were amping!

Three days later they're flying over the Tongass. Huge pine forests whip by underneath. Gigantic, regal mountains scrape the sky up ahead. To their left rests the mighty Pacific, looking calm and flat from this altitude. Past the sleepy town of Sitka and they're quickly into unpopulated wilderness. The little point they had in mind sits off a small, crenulated island. A quick fly-by reveals the telltale signs of orderly white-water lines. They slap high-fives about 30 times in the plane.. so psyched on what they see. Pete lands the plane in the protected bay. Now at sea-level the waves reveal themselves to be reeling, overhead+ pointbreak perfection. Nearly tripping over themselves with excitement, they shimmy into their 6mm wetties, hood and claw gloves. Just as they're about to jump out of the plane they hear a deep, guttural, petrifying roar from land. "What they fuck was that?" They wait a few seconds but don't hear anything more.

A few minutes later they're approaching the lineup. It's going bananas!! They look at each other in disbelief. Then suddenly they hear the roar again, except this time is sounds much closer, "GRRROARRRGGHH!!!" It sounds like it's coming from the top of the point.

Now Joe and Pete are scared. They still have a few hundred yards of paddling to get to the wave but they also realize that they're way the fuck out in the middle of nowhere and there seems to either be a huge bear or some supernatural entity out beyond the wave.

It's between sets when they finally make it out. All is calm and beautiful. They keep looking at each for reassurance. Then the blips appear on the horizon as the next set approaches. The first wave lines up perfect and Joe starts paddling for it. The wave begins to gulp on the rock ledge and suddenly the two surfers see an ungodly sight. The wave itself forms into a grotesque, mammoth mouth and lets out a spine-tingling roar. Before Joe can change direction the mouth chomps down on him and gobbles him up. As the mouth/barrel closes down, a huge spray of blood spits into the channel. Joe is no more.

Now Pete has a menacing set of demon mouth barrels bearing down on him. He hears the collective set start to roar as it hungrily approaches this rare human feast. Pete has lived a hard life. He hasn't been that happy. He loves to get barrelled. He just watched his best friend get eaten. He decides what the fuck. The next wave in the set is a huge macker. Pete locks in super deep and sees the aquatic fangs open up and encapsulate him. He's way way back in there. Slotted like never before. He sees the vision. He sees no more.


OGLurker snapped some killer photos in Fiji
fijian niceness

fijian niceness

fijian niceness

fijian niceness

Posted by Ethan at 09:27 AM
May 24, 2005
sf-sc challenge

out of work a few minutes early yesterday
jam down the coast
radio broken so look, listen and think.
Huge cavernous bombs around Montara. scaaary!
beautiful, inspiring San Gregorio valley!
California Eden.
Acid tests began up that road.
Merry Pranksters in La Honda
kite-surfers at waddell. uh-oh.
Screeming banshee north wind
meet jocular J.O.C. north of town.
twist one up.
get farking pumped to surrrrf!
disheveled, lumpy but attractive point-break walls.
Long rides.
J.O.C. poaches some nice ones on the inside.
J.O.C. takes off on a snarling wedge and makes it!
Zotz smoothing into a few.
pointbreaks rule.
One high-speed turn for me. felt good.
shivering back to the car.
leave wetty on for ride to J.O.C.'s place.
jump into the jacuzzi!!
that's how it's done.
up at 5:30 this morning.
not much happening.
Surfed mediocre Waddell.
Water temp probably around 38!!! WTF?

shout out to Bruce, AS and Mexi for taking killer photos!

a few recent Bruce shots
bruce niceness

bruce niceness

bruce niceness

bruce niceness


Posted by Ethan at 09:51 AM
May 23, 2005
a few drops and such

up before light.
drive drive drive
drive drive drive
round a bend
see the setup.
glassy peelers
weird, wobbly but doable.
suit up
down the trail
paddle out
watch someone get a good one
dorky style but try not to judge
one comes my way
boggle the takeoff
off the bottom.
long turn off the top
milk it for a bit.
paddle back
more waves come through.
a couple spinners
more people
take off deep on a good one and get crunched.
momentary lip-tossing vision.
Get frustrated at a dude for paddling for a wave on the inside of me and then not going.
I gave him a grimace but then felt remorse the rest of the session.
Doesn't pay to be grumpy.
Rights coming through.
Relatively warm aqua.
lots of little drops and blips and mini funnels.
Best wave probably a smaller grinder where i wedged myself in an energetic pocket.
seals in the lineup.

Blakestah did a little etymological research in regard to "Kelly's Cove"

I asked Bill Hickey about Kelly's Cove yesterday. He is 68 and grew up surfing here. He said Kelly was a sort of grifter. Liked to stoke the fire that was always burning at Kelly's Cove. But he didn't surf or swim, more or less a homeless guy at Kelly's Cove.

And, Bill never knew the Kelly of Kelly's Cove, he only knows of
him from the old-timers when he was young.

sarge photos of kelly's teahupoo drop-n-pit

Branden Aroyan photos from

Posted by Ethan at 09:21 AM
May 20, 2005

large raw and onshore.
Watched a few bombing glory sections peel off.
No takers as of 7:15.
Somewhere along the coast things are happening.
Somebody made the good call to take off work.
Last night he piled into the car with a friend.
Tortoise on the radio while driving 4 hours to an out-of-the-way wilderness location.
Arrive around midnight.
Pitch a tent.
Get some shuteye.
Up at the crack this morning.
Walk down a path through the forest.
Out into a little cove.
Birds chirping.
Calm wind.
A right peeling like mad in the early-morning light.
Crystalline-glass, overhead and empty.
Run back to the camp site.
Chow some trail mix.
Spark one up.
Into the wetsuit.
Grab board and turbo-sprint back down the path.
Over the rocky beach.
Paddle out through the channel.
A set stacks on the horizon.
Mounds approach.
Spin and stroke into a lined-up grinder.
Elevator drop over the ledge.
Check off the bottom and nestle into the pocket.
Cram arm into the face to slow down.
Ridiculously perfect wave molded out in front.
Conical kaleidoscope.
Pumps and carves.
kick out.
Friend flying down the line behind.
40 waves later head in for lunch.
Same thing for the arvo session.
Back to the city for a friday night monster bash.
Rage all night with that warm, fuzzy post-epic-session glow.

Somebody's doing it right now.

flap surfing in sd
flap niceness

Marco snapped this photo of a painting in Central America

Posted by Ethan at 09:42 AM
May 19, 2005

a few wave forms.
gotta love the rain sessions
shoulder-high little wobblers.
a few drops
a few journeys.
hoot Kaiser into a few
mellow vibes
flat spells
briny smell
fog hugging the mountains
a nice lip click to carry my through the day.

anyone have two extras for the 9:15 movie tonight?

irie slave lizards posted this yesterday:
Look at this wave

The white part behind

The part ahead walled

and in the space in between where they meet

everything happens, forms

come to an explosion.

Patterns flowing

ripples on the seat of a couch

waves in a set stacking

folds in the hills of Davenport

ripples in the music of the universe.

Posted by Ethan at 12:16 PM
May 18, 2005

Crustacean click-clack exoskeleton
Trans-dimensional freedom squirt.
engrams mold through habitualized action.
Recreated universes in our heads
Recreated realities tug and pull.
The power of a focused mind.
The tenacity of human curiousity.
Plugging away
Ripping away
Shaping and refining.
Hegelian Dialectic
Derridian Flux
Thus Spoke Zarathustra
One Dimensional Man
Old patterns form anew.
Zeniths torn asunder
The gobbling hords creep in
The rapacious appetites of man
Power, money and greed.
Fighting up while tearing down.
Infinite regress.
war as art?
sex as love?
peace as fiction?
truth as relative?
words as slippery.

slates as 7-time world champ?

javier photo from the pit of pits
javier niceness

Javier had this to say:

E, back in Cali right now surfing mellow beach breaks and chilling in Pacific. Surfing in Tahiti was a blast, but it's nice not having that element of danger (or severe bodily harm) every time you drop into a wave and see the reef sucking up and fish scurrying away on the drop.....although I do miss the barrels and the warm water.

A few hours before flying out of Tahiti, I was in the media tent at
the point checking emails in the late afternoon. Tostee came in and
looked me, and in a thick S African accent exclaimed, "What are you
doing here bru? Get out there and shoot. The winds have died down and
the conditions are perfect." I sprinted to my house, put my housing
together, and furiously paddled the 1 mile out to Teahupoo. Tied my
kayak to a buoy with a surf leash and swam out with nothing but
boardshorts, fins, and my camera as the sun was setting over the
horizon. Here is one of the shots from that session, just before
flying back home...(Thanks Tostee.)


Lopey ledging

i love this photo

East Coast winter (yoke photo)


Posted by Ethan at 09:34 AM
May 17, 2005
no wind.. hmm..

wake up.
no wind
suit up
run down
concrete jungle
solo mission
say hi to morning joggers
over the dunes.
it ain't pretty
large and frumpy
paddle out
infinite duckdives
painful skull-blasting head freeze
infinite duckdives
almost make it out
more duckdives
4 spirit-crushing jackhammers to the head
yell out curses to the mighty Pacific!
Getting spanked by mom
more duckdives
finally make it out.
Some stuff happening.
hrm. some waves out here.
thick head-high disorganized wha?
kinda glassyish.
snag a long right, carve a turn.
back out after only 5 or 6 duckdives.
thinking about the landlord
thinking about keeping the shoulders down so as not to hurt back.
waiting for something.
absolutely nobody around.
another right comes in.
i paddle for it
it never really breaks properly.
suddenly i'm on the inside.
hell's minions coming at me
Get wrecked by a parade of frigid white-water.
looks like miles of paddling to make it back out.
Decide to call it a one-wave session.
belly in on a fun one.
back up the dunes.
Gaze back and it looks small and whimpy?
What the fuck?
see another surfer suiting up!
tell him it's doable. a couple out there.
don't want to spoil his pre-session.
Fun with the right attitude and a warm hood.

shout out to Paul Urich. a mellow artist/surfer/skater who lurks out there. Brett sais what up too.

Urich art

urich niceness

Amir created this photo-collage
amir niceness

Posted by Ethan at 09:05 AM
May 16, 2005
fog eels unravel

Fog eels crept up and enveloped the coastline yesterday.
Underneath their downy blanket wavelets churned and peeled.
Smooth rivulets bucked and marched.
Rippers flew through the air, launching from crispy end-sections.
Little glassy somethings.
high wave-count possible.
Bay to Breakers bands thumping in the distance.
Carnal revelry parading through the park.
Significant, large-scale detritus scattered everywhere late last night. Huge beer-soaked floats wedged up against a tree.
A couch on the side of the road.
A drunken, passed-out dude with fake boobs and a huge blue wig.

Cool to meet obsurfer at that masterfully pimping Telegraph hill penthouse party. that place was ridiculous! Huge deck right next to Coit tower. Overlooking the entire city. Giant living room with floor-to-ceiling glass windows, gigantic fireplace, irie itale veggie brazilian food. schweeet.

Great to jam with the legendary Kdalle yesterday. Heard some cool stories about Terry(?) Sims (Sims snowboarding) taking Kdalle on late-night skateboarding missions with his prototype rubber skate-wheels and longskate fashioned from a reinforced waterski. Clocking over 60mph on the downhill. Also some gruesome tales of the infamous psychotic aggro local Goodlove, or Lovetree or i can't remember his name. gnarlz. Kdalle rips on the guitar!

Onshore with beauty weather this morning. Gave my back a break so no first-hand account. Anybody score?

Teahupoo is happening. Some classic matchups in round three today. Bruce Irons v. Chris Ward should be radical!

Couple of photos Tom snapped on Bali
Tom Bali niceness

Tom Bali niceness

pigdoggin works

AI shredding

My friend Heff captured some Oregon vibes
Heff niceness

Heff niceness

Toneman photo
Toneman niceness

Glass Love

Posted by Ethan at 09:38 AM
May 13, 2005
small dumpy somethings

blind go-out with Kaiser and Lerminade.
We saw a nice peak out front but decided to walk down the beach so as not to crowd-out the two guys already out there.
Ended up being just fine where we hit it.
"Just fine" for summertime, that is.
Very fun to share waves with good buds (pun intended).
Disheveled, semi-hacked shoulderhigh dumpers.
Kaiser took off on a few largish ones.
Lerm with a stylish backside off-the-top.
We were seeing who could hit the lip and Lerm ended up slashing a nice one, i saw a bit of spray and everything. niiiice.
I did quite a few somersaults over the falls!!
Then 200,000 surfers all descended within 200 yards of each other just south of us!?!
We got shoved out of our zone but it didn't really matter too much.
Why was everybody paddling out there?? The whole beach looked pretty similar. Strange psychological tendencies. Safety in the herd. Same ol' story.. but.. it's good if you're of the "i'll just paddle to my own peak" sentiment because they'll be more empty peaks if everyone congeals together.

The three ASP contests so far this year have have crapola waves!! sucks.

oh yeah.. Friday the 13th!!

Walking down the dark, mysterious, fog-enshrouded alleyway I began hearing heavy breathing up ahead. Against my better judgement i continued forward to see what it was. All of a sudden out of the dark this huge, hairy shape lept out at me. I saw a sunken-in face with glowing red eyes. I heard an ear-piercing screech and then it was gone, galluping past me through the night. Bwahahahaaa!!

Javier wrote from Tahiti:

3am Teahupoo missives..

E, Niceness... Just got back into Teahupoo after 3 idyllic days in
Moorea with sunny blue skies, great surf (barelling lefts at Haapiti),
and warm turquoise water. Sooo nice. I went out on a boat yesterday
(attached pics) and enjoyed perhaps one of my favorite days of the
year so far: snorkeling, swimming with rays, sharks... mini-island

Kaiser...I remember you asking for recommendations last week on surf
destination in June or July....I highly highly recommend Tahiti or
Moorea...and would be happy to give advice on places to stay, etc. . .

Got back to Teahupoo at sunset, and apparently I didn't miss a
thing...except for rainy, windy, onshore mush for the past few days.
Nice. This evening, I shared a delicious poisson cru and ahi sashimi
(Carpaccio) dinner with the Tahitian family I'm staying with...mmmm
fresh fish. . .

Then as I was heading out to the media tent around midnight the family
started laughing at me and kept telling me in French,

"See you in the morning....have fun to night."
"Non, non...I'm just sending a couple emails..I'll be right back..."
"Non, pas du problemme, have fun!" and the father stands up and does a
few air-humps.

almost 4 hours later...still in the media tent...just attached 2 pics
from Chopes last year, and they're definitely will be no banging here

Roosters cockadoodledoo'ing, or as they see here cocorico('ing),
across Teahupoo...a gecko chirps above my head...

6:30am call tomorrow for the men's event, which will be changed to 'on
hold' until 8:30am and then most likely called off by 10am due to
small inconsistent surf. . . leaving them with 4 days to run 4 days of

The airhorn could sound at sunrise, followed by 10 hours of heats in
small, shwaggy Chopes...either way, I'm hoping for the best..

and...Good morning San Fran...hope someone reading this gets barelled
today. . .


javier niceness

javier niceness

javier niceness

javier niceness

javier niceness

Posted by Ethan at 09:27 AM
May 12, 2005
lilliputian rideables

Dainty little pockets and slappers out there.
Blind go-out the call.
If you look at it before-hand, you probably won't surf.
Lerm and i found a fun-loving suckout sandbar of sorts.
A few drops and slo-mo down-the-liners.
Lerm wedged into a wedging wedge and got wedged.
Slight, frumpy onshore creating not too much texture.
Inquisitive sea-lions.
Grey, chilly morning.
A few surfers scattered about, each on his/her own peak.
Windswell summertime low-key good times.
Bust out your fish or your log.

Thanks for the real estate lessons yesterday.

No swell in Tahiti yet. They think they'll get some over the weekend.. Grrreeat!

Right Coast!! (images from
NY Niceness

NY Niceness

Our main man at Ulus
Tom Niceness

Lining it up

Will's new fish
Will's fish

Reeker's t-shirt
Surfing sucks

Posted by Ethan at 09:24 AM
May 11, 2005
potential... but...

Wake up
No wind
Blue skies
Go to the beach
Stand there deliberating.
Smallish, mega-dumpy windswell
Surface a relatively smooth veneer.
A few takers scrounging for morsels.
Talked to Lerm about guitar amps and effects pedals.
Once in a while a section would rear-up and beckon.
Definitely surfable.
Probably enjoyable.
Kept rapping with Lerm, "should we go? maybe not? maybe yeah?"
As soon as we'd decide not to surf a scrappy, inviting corner would peel off.
In the end the 8 oclock witching hour approached and we missed the window.
Cheers to those who found waves.

a few musical recommendations:
Shiv Kumar Sharma - Indian Classical musician, plays an instrument called the Santoor. Celestial, dripping, beautiful music. Stony. I first heard Shiv Kumar Sharma while smoking Challace in the Himalaya mountains near a little village called Vashist. This Japanese guy had a small teapee setup way up on a ridge and was serving chai tea. He had this big fire going and was smoking huge hits out of a chillum with some other Indian guys. They said "Bom Shiva" before inhaling and then passed it on. Shiv Kumar Sharma's "elements" were playing in the background as the sun set over 18,000ft peaks on the other side of the valley casting the upper snow fields in orange hues. Magic.

Zakir Hussain - Tabla master. Played in Shakti with John Mclaughlin and more recently in Tabla Beat Science with Bill Laswell and Talvin Singh and others. Zakir's father is one of the mega-masters of Hindustani traditional music. There are legendary tales of Zakir's training as a younster; fasting and meditation, 16 hours a day of practice, memorizing ridiculously long passages of complex rhythms. The guy is no joke with the beats and lives in the Bay Area. Saw him perform at Yoshi's a few years back and was utterly blown away.

Kenny Burrell - Jazz guitar giant. If you like Wes Montgomery or Grant Green you'll dig on Kenny Burrell. He's probably my favorite jazz guitar player. Svelt smoothness. Fresh melodies. Elegant yet brash. Great music for work or snuggling, whatever the case may be.

Doug Martsch - Slide guitar maestro. Nice voice too. Crafts some memorable, haunting sing-along acoustic-style tunes. Like Jack Johnson but much better.

The Mermen - If you haven't checked out these outer-aves-based tweaked/psychadelic/surf-rock legends get on that shit immediately. These guys push boundaries and aren't afraid to get dark and hard. Some of their tracks are a bit repetitive so just jump around until you land on one of the gems.

Don Cherry - 70's jazz mastermind. Improvisational trailblazer. Played a little piccalo trumpet? Gorgeous melodic phrasings. Hyper-trippy, textured strangeness. Get the album "Brown Rice" if you can find it.

Medeski Martin and Wood - Unreal talent. Interesting, groove-centric jazz/funk/rock. Three musicians forged into one. Futuristic, edgy, loose, flowing, heaving beats and movements. Scholarly musical development. Masters of their craft. Not at all afraid to push musical envelopes. Abract and surreal as much as they're tight funky in the pocket. Style!

Buckethead - I've been raving about Buckethead for years. The guy is probably my favorite contemporary guitar slayer. Born in a pen, raised in a coup. Wears a KFC bucket on his head and a Michael Myers mask. He's weird.. But.. fuck.. he brings the mutha-fuckin' ruckus! It's one thing to have all the gnarly metal technique like many of the guitar gods. But Buckethead distinguishes himself from other shred heroes like Satriani, Vai, Yngve, Eric Johnson and the like by actually writing GOOD MUSIC!! All those other jokers write the cheesiest music, imho, but much of Buckethead's orchestrations are catchy and bad-ass. Each of his albums and tracks are pretty unique. I'd recommend Giant Robot or Bermuda Triangle over Colma or Monsters and Robots. You can also catch Buckethead on many of the Praxis albums and also within Claypool's Bucket of Bernie Brains or whatever that band is called. Anyway.. This dude Rocks and has crazy insane legendary chops. A true inspiration.

Brandon Hayden shot

Crazy people

Some dude

Wardo whack

Abubo abrasion

Posted by Ethan at 09:20 AM
May 10, 2005

Fall seems a long way off.
Offshore winds seem like a dream from some distant galaxy.
The dregs are upon us.
Craptastic onshore slop this morning.
Surfboard-laden vehicles drove around, but not too many chargers made the plunge.
Didn't see anyone out at 7:10.
If we could only have fall surf conditions align with the long daylight hours of May and June.

3 hour monster jam last night.
So fun.
A different drummer at the kit.
Dude likes to RAWK.
The drummer changes EVERYTHING.
Hard-edged, brow-furrowing, earth-vibrating, sky-imploding skull mutations.
Pedal-down eyeball-bulging primal-sreaming full-speed careening down a dripping morbid death tunnel hurling blood-soaked skeleton grenades at gigantor attacking vampire bats.
Fist-clenched, vein-popping, mucus-flying, froth-salivating, rabid attack-mode no-mans land psycho jaunting.
We mostly played in minor-keys. A harmonic minor or E minor with an added A# (blues note). or whatever felt right.

We also did this huge spaced-out jam using the whole-tone scale (thanks to Xaq for the inspiration!). You basically can start anywhere (we used E so to drone the low E note) and then build the scale using only whole steps. In E it would be E, F#, G#, A#, C, D and then back to E. It's a wacky-sounded scale. There is no true 5th. You end up using all these trippy augmented chords. I also like to use three-note chords consisting of the tonic, the flat 5th, and then the octave of the tonic.. Soo.. maybe E A# and E. It sounds bad-ass, especially if the drummer is roaring and growling and the bass player is droning the hell out of E. We often riff off of the tonic, major third and dominant 7th when jamming in the whole-tone scale. Those relationships sound more congruent with typical western music, easier on the ear. Soo.. if you're reinforcing the tonic, the major 3rd and the dominant 7th (in this case E, G# and D) you can then teaze and flicker with the not-so-usual notes in the whole-tone scale and create some cool and slightly disturbing tension. The flat 5th (A#) and raised 5th (C) sound especially weird together, and in conjuction with the E. Then.. after 30 minutes or so of disturbed, brooding, evil textures, we'd break into some happy-friendly upbeat major-scale reggae stuff.. bounce around all chipper and smily for a few minutes.. only to rage back down into the tortured, demented breakneck metal zone.


current band name for this project is
Hans Blix and the Inspectors.
other names in consideration include:
The Monarchs

These N8 VanDyke paintings do justice to proper metal-infused rock
n8 vandyke

n8 vandyke

HR Giger also kicks some major metal-stomping ass
hr giger

hr giger

Chelsea wins at T-poo


Posted by Ethan at 09:26 AM
May 09, 2005
post-storm onshores

Clear skies after a night of rain.
Onshores causing whitecaps out to sea.
A nice morning for non-surfy outdoor activities.
Tahiti still on hold.
Fun waves over the weekend.
Wedges, pits and racetracks.
Watched some ridiculously long rides on saturday afternoon.
Surfed horrible onshore wind-slop yesterday at Bolinas with my girl and her friend. CJ was getting frustrated about not standing up. I told her she was doing great (she was!) and she said, "I'm not here to wipeout! I'm here to catch rides!"

Happy magazine April issue "Surf Bro" article by Aron Geiger mentioned a few weeks ago by Pez and others.
A funny read.
"... DEATH METAL SURFERS (DMS). Those who bitterly oppose all that is "surf bro" and live by the motto "surf bros must die." It's not to say that we want to actually kill a surf bro, but rather to kill the "surf bro" image, to make known our distaste for everything that is "surf bro."

Geiger rips on the reggae-listening, puka-shell-wearing, shaka-throwing, longboard-skating, hippy-trippy-spirituality-feeling, surfing-as-religion, Spiccoli/Bodhi surf image.

I've often felt what he's saying, even though i often espouse the "tripped-out, surfing-is-fun philosophy." I don't really like when people know that i'm a surfer or when people try to engage me about surfing. I'm almost embarrassed about being a surfer, especially when in conversation with people who don't surf. After 6 years of long-hair, beards, bands and surfing, i'm so sick of being pidgeon-holed as a stoner-surfer-slacker... even if i kinda am. The more i surf, the less i want to look like a surfer.


Javier sent a few more photos in, along with a report from the End of the Road,
"E, thanks for posting the Teahupoo pics the other day. No surf action
here since Tuesday...just rainy windy on shore disorganized mush....a
good day for Linda Mar, but enough to hold the women's last day of
competition for another day.

In the mean time, I've been sorting through pics from the last few
months, and found a few shots I wanted to send your way.

On the topic of sharks, the first photo is of a black tip I took last
year in Tahiti. I was holding my breath in a cave with my underwater
camera housing waiting for a turtle to swim by, when I saw this shark
out of the corner of my eye. I was running out of air and about to
pass out, but held on long enough to get a series of the shark
swimming by...

The second shot is a perfect day at Pipe last month...

And the last is an unridden wave at Mav's during this year's comp.

Aloha and Mahalo to everyone out at Niceness,

javier niceness

javier niceness

javier niceness

Central America

Posted by Ethan at 09:24 AM
May 06, 2005
ruff cuts.

blips and blaps for the hungry.
Onshore-ish and dumpy
Small and not-quite working.
A few takers through the middling middle.
Now i'm regretting the decision to pass.
Waves through my head man!
Waves on the brain.
It's the addiction.
Suckled on the flow.
That feeling of dropping in.
Air-drop over the ledge.
Smooth, powerful, dynamic wave-face curved up and around you.
Sprinting down the line.
Fucking hammering on the gas pedal to make it around a threatening wall of juice.
Clicking off the lip and powering forward.
Speedily speeding with farking speed to burn.
Pumping like some deranged banshee.
Barrel hovering just above your head.
Feeling that threatening, gruesome cacophony of the pit behind you.
Racing but then calmly chilling back in the pocket.
Let the barrel catch up.
Nestle yourself in the womb of wombs.
Telescope vision as you recede into the depths.
Enraged silence.
Exit porthole in front.
Hand dug into the wave face.
Barrelled off your nut.
Start pumping to come out.
Get Spat.
Ridiculous torrents of speed as the wave slows down.
Up high on the wall and then leg quivering, rail-burying cutback all the way back around.
Roundhouse bash back into the whitewater.
Spin around 360
Paddle back for more.

Keala warrior

bodyboarder deep

Kelly tubed

Slates slotted

Chob at Chopes


Kalani sick gash


Posted by Ethan at 09:29 AM
May 05, 2005
crumbly goodies

Blind go-out does the trick this morning.
Minimal wind
Suit up.
Trot down.
Over the dunes.
Looked real shitty.
... and small.
Dumpy shoulder-high windswell.
Out there.
Better than it looked
Improved as the session wore on
Some remnant south swell sets marching in
A few sculpted, glassy, raunchy barrels (observed, not surfed).
A few surprisingly long rides.
I tried an air at the end of a section and let's just say i'm glad there was nobody there to see it!
All the discussion of the Man in the Grey Suit had me concerned.

6 billion people in the world.
6 billion unique minds.
6 billion people with their own desires, fears, quirks, demons.
Think about all the self-reflective mental chatter that occurs in your mind all the time.
Multiply that by 6 billion.
The mind as an intricately evolved survival mechanism.
The human body as a vehicle for genetic replication.
Our genes using us as vehicles/weapons/buffers/survival machines.
We're just here as the random outcome of natural selection and the hiccups of physics?
Meaning is left for us to create?
God as an imaginative figment of the collective mind?
A calming notion to keep us soothed?
The Bible a collection of oral histories.
Christianity the great schizophrenia of the West (Separation of secular and spiritual)?
Heaven and Hell inventions to palliate the masses?
How can anyone seriously claim to know what happens after death?
Searing pain?
Wake up a Cauliflower

Who knows!

Niceness reader Javier sent a few ridiculous photos from the channel at Chopes. He had this to say, "here are some more photos from Teahupoo over the past 3 days. The swell has died down quite a bit, but Sunday and Monday were hands down some of the heaviest and most consistent surf I have ever seen....Evah.

Btw, I took these shots were taken while negotiating between a dozen
powerboats in the channel in my dinky little kayak.

Good times good times from Tahiti...."

javier in tpoo

javier in tpoo

javier in tpoo

javier in tpoo

Posted by Ethan at 09:38 AM
May 04, 2005
Random sweetness

Excited atmospheric energy as the storm approaches.
Some attractive wave-forms roll toward shore.
Take off on a steepening right.
Hook under the lip.
Banked turn off the shoulder-high wall.
South swell energy in evidence?
Sets made their presence known.
Another right comes through.
Take-off into a closeout barrel.
Smash smash.
Brief vision of a throwing lip before the blackness descended.
Some zippy shit on offer.
No wind as of 8am.
Northbound river-current.
Inner bar steepies pump up the fun meter.

Shout out to Kus in Jersey!
Shout out to Heff in Oregon
Shout out to Kirbiatch in San Mateo
Shout to HB holding it down in HB.
Shout to J.O.C. - how was Coachella?
Shout out to Indo Tom - you back yet?
Shout out to Pez - keep the linguistic flow flowing
Shout out BVB - regulating
Shout out to Kaiser - giving people what they want around 3pm
Shout out to Sharkbait - humblest person of all time.. but truth is she rips like Rochelle!
Shout to Web and Rocky and Bruce - old schoolers always an inspiration.
Shout out to the Wilmington Kleins!
Shout out to CJ - "Hey Now"


Posted by Ethan at 09:21 AM
May 03, 2005

Tough to get pumped about surfing today.
Shoulder-high onshore drivel.
Crumbly, hacked miserable ugliness.
But.. amidst all the crud and puke.. there are a smattering of partially hidden rideables.
While the vile, dastardly majority of waves chortled their unfriendly chorus of "beware" and "stay out", a stout-hearted few cried out to would-be surfers, "ride me!" "I want your smooth board to caress my velvet texture." "I want your strong hands to dig into my permeable exterior." "I want your feet to kick and thrash as your strive to catch me." "Stroke with vigor until you paddle into me." "Plummet my cleft and explore my inner cavern!" "Get deep in there and enjoy, Enjoy, ELATE!!"

umm... yeah..

anyhoo.. check out even more ridiculous shots of The End of the Road. Supposedly these waves were paddled into!! Fark!

Dorian Tow-in at Lindy

Keala Kennelly tow-in! (first ever at chopes by a female)

photos from the fish fry

Posted by Ethan at 09:34 AM
May 02, 2005
fun weekend.

get it while ya can.
Playful, character-rich mixed-up swells all weekend.
Was that last set the south swell??
Maybe just windswell.
Who knows but those lefts were fun.
bikinies in effect on sunday.
waves on Bikini atoll?
This morning the surface looked decent but bed sucked me in like a cacoon of comforting, whispering blankets of softness.
Rode my bike.
Flat tire near Alamo Square.
Walked to Market.
Bus to downtown.
Homeless guy currently yelling obscenities outside my window.

After 5 hard years of surfing all the time and then 10 years before that of surfing on and off. After a childhood of competitive swimming. I still SUCK at surfing!! WTF? I want to take off and get barrelled. I want to be stylishly smacking lips, air-dropping into pits, fading back into gaping sections. Instead i'm bumbling backside bottom turns. I'm out of position for the best waves. I'm watching other dudes get shacked right in my face while i haven't really ever seen barrel time at OB. I'm getting pummelled on the inside while beautiful waves beckon on the outside. Frustrating.

But.. at the same time.. it's fun as hell to get out in the water, to feel the smooth glide of riding down the line. It's fun to make a steep drop here or there. It's fun to make that one turn every session or two that reverberates through your memory for weeks. It's fun to watch your friends go over the falls or take-off on gnarly/unmakeable closeouts. It's fun to anticipate the session. It's fun to watch surf vids. It's fun to make it outside. It's fun to go on surf trips. It's fun to refine your game. It's nice to take naps after weekend sessions. SUrrff!

enough rambling.. Check these Poo-Poo (T-poo) shots

North Shore shots from last weekend (from craigj532)

Posted by Ethan at 09:44 AM